Are You a Victim of Breadcrumbs or Just Caught Up in Your Feelings?

Understanding the fine line between genuine kindness and reading too much into it.

Have you ever met someone who gives you enough attention to keep you interested but never clarifies their intentions? Yeah, those are what we now call “breadcrumbers.” They act like a friend, maybe even more than a friend, but when you step back, you’re unsure where you stand with them. And if you’re reading too much into their kindness, you might be making yourself an emotional victim.

Let’s say there’s a new student in your class. They don’t know anyone yet, so naturally, they start chatting with you. They’re nice, friendly, and engage in small talk. Pretty normal. But if you’re already infatuated, you might read into their actions too much.

Imagine after gym class, they hand you their water bottle because you look exhausted. Seems sweet, right? But in reality, it’s the same as someone giving water to a thirsty stranger on the street — it’s just an act of kindness. But if you’re already crushing on them, suddenly, it feels like a grand romantic gesture. Spoiler: it’s not.

If you’re in a situation where you’re constantly wondering, “What are we?” and feeling confused, chances are, this person is just playing with your emotions. But before you start blaming them, take a step back and ask yourself: Are they leading you on, or are you just seeing what you want to see?

In school, many of my friends would say they were being “played” by someone. But after hearing the whole story, it usually turned out they were just caught up in their feelings.

Take my classmate, Ceuceu, for example. She used to complain about Asep, saying he led her on, chatted with her, and even asked her to hang out. Later, Asep ends up dating Ceuceu’s best friend, Dian. Naturally, she was upset.

I asked, “What did he say when you guys chatted?” She replied, “He’d ask if I had any weekend plans, and he’d mention inviting Dian too.”

That’s when it clicked — Asep wasn’t leading her on. Ultimately, he was getting to know people and realized he liked Dian. But because Ceuceu had already built up all these expectations in her head, she felt hurt and thought he was a player. In reality, she was just emotionally invested before anything even happened.

So, how do you avoid being in this situation? Don’t put yourself on a pedestal in someone else’s life. Stay logical. Don’t expect too much from someone who hasn’t given you a real reason to. Most importantly, don’t fall in love with your expectations; instead, focus on what’s happening.